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The Dim-Witted Adventures of Lonklir and Hemlock Part 1

I am Lonklir Bronzeton and I live in a remote campsite at the edge of the woods alone. I do not have much outside contact with the world unless it is when I go out drinking... which is fairly often. So it is rare that I find myself getting a letter. I read the letter and it talks of how I owe money to a very powerful man who deals in the criminal world and owns plenty of the casinos which I find my drunken self frequenting. I have racked up a large amount of debt and this is his way for me to get in his good graces. I have been requested to meet with him at a library.

I arrive at the library and enter to see a rag-tag group of miscreants waiting to meet with him too. But I recognize one of them. It is my companion and only friend Hemlock Gremlock the Warlock. I try to think of why he would be in debt to the man we are all waiting for, and then I remember that Hemlock had taken out a loan to purchase farming equipment from one of his loan sharks. I do not bother learning the names of the others but instead I am drawn closer by the allure of the roaring flame at the fire. I watch it dance and the way it moves as I splash my liquor on it from my flask, being careful not to burn myself.

The man who called us all together has finally arrived. He tells us that he wants us to steal this miracle elixir and I think that only two of the seven are qualified, they were the rogues. I do not pay a lot of attention to what he says but I can tell he is keeping something from us. So I approach him and ask what he is not telling us. He explains to me that if any of us do not follow the plans he will not hesitate to have us killed. I cannot refuse his offer to take part in the quest for him as I would prefer to keep the use of my kneecaps and to keep my life.

On the way to the mansion I drink this awful spiced sludge to sober up, so I am at the best of my ability. I speak to the rest of the team members and learn some of their names. We have three magic users, Squish who is a dwarf, Glitch who is a half-elf and Adriana who is an elf.

When we arrive, Squish throw ropes over for us to climb the wall outside the mansion that had the elixir. Squish and I all make it over without hurting ourselves. But when it was Adriana's turn to climb the wall she notices Hemlock clinging to the wall for dear life. If he loses his grip he will plummet to his death so he basically makes her drag him over, which makes Adriana fall with him. Hemlock being the scared little baby he is almost kills her while he barely got scratched.

A few of my team-mates lurk around the outside of the house as they look for an easy way in before they accidentally set of a defense mechanism. They activate a stone golem and now I have to fix their mistake. I bravely rush into combat against the stone golem that is carved like a knight. I deal a crucial blow and get its attention. I have to stand my own and take two punches so he is occupied with me while my team finishes him off with magic. We then enter the home and look around. There is a magnificent and posed Elk skeleton on the stairway. It looked extravagant and I thought Hemlock wanted to take a closer look.

Then I remember that Hemlock is basically a small child who has no foresight.

He just uses the elk as a climbing frame and sits on its back. Unbeknownst to him it was the trigger to another defense mechanism. The Elk suddenly becomes alive, as do the smaller encased skeletons of a variety of animals from non-threatening dog to a direwolf. I of course go for the elk first and try to save my friend. I do seriously damage and the Thiefling finishes it off. Then I go to save our bard from a platypus and I twist my ankle as I hop the banister of the stairs to get to him. After I save him I focus on the direwolf, but before I get to it Hemlock stops all the living dead by putting the elk bones back on the pedestal that was actually a pressure plate.

I make my way to a display case and check out the weapons. Squish focuses on the runes in another display case and we both recognize the story of our respective expertise. Squish reads of the links depicted in the ruins and I talk of the history of the weapons including how they are used and where they are from. I tuck away an old rusted blade I could possible pay a blacksmith to refurbish so I can sell it for profit.

There are noises being heard from a closet under the stairs. The bard, Cruroar Graveltones checks on the noise so he opens the closet. He releases a gnome. He seemed frightened so he has to be calmed down. Cruroar and Hemlock both attempt to calm him down with their skills. But nothing works better than offering him booze. The gnome seems to calm down so we talk to him and Hemlock lies through his teeth. We get some valuable information from his lying and we find out the Gnome is the apprentice to the owner of the house. The owner is a wizard who is experimenting with Portals. Things went wrong and his teacher is gone. Hemlock tells him that we came to help save his boss and we need the miracle elixir to do so.

To be continued.....

by Luke, Posted on 23/06/2020